I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
