You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
