I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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