You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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