I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
