i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish my penis had a tongue
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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