I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
