Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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