1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
