Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
