Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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