you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
