apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
this boner is exhausting
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
