This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
