Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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