I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
