she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
