Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
