Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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