i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
so much tequila, so little girl.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
