DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
