My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
