I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
