your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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