oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
