i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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