It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize