so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
