u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
