Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
