I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
