Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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