the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
