btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
