but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
