woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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