Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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