it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Randomize
