Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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