you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
