bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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