This house was built for laser tag.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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