how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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