I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
