I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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