We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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