Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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