Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
