i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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