You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
