so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I could make wine with my vomit
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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