i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
