just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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