Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
