I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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