he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We just shotgunned beers for America
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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