There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
