She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize