She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
