I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
