how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
