I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
