I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
whose parrot is this?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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