Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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