I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
