meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
