it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize