Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
