so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
