I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have tasted many bathrooms
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
