Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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