I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
