i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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