you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
