I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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