i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
